It is Thursday — the day Uyo is officially “almost Friday.” Everybody is tired, everybody is planning the weekend, and everybody is suddenly very hungry by 12:30. So take a two-minute break and laugh with us. Clean, warm, very-Uyo delivery moments — some true, some only nearly true. 😂
1. “I am in your mirror”
Customer calls: “Rider, are you close?” Rider: “Very close.” Customer: “How close?” Rider: “Madam, look at your side mirror.” She looks. He waves. They were both parked at the same filling station on Oron Road for five minutes. 🪞
2. Yesterday’s location
Rider: “Bros, I’m at the pin.” Customer: “Which pin?” Rider: “The one you sent.” Customer: “Ah… that one is yesterday’s pin. I was at my aunty’s place. Please come to my house.” Rider, calmly: “Send location again. The new one. Today’s one.” 📍
3. The almost-Friday menu
Monday: “Just rice, nothing much.” Tuesday: “Rice and one chicken.” Wednesday: “Rice, chicken, plantain.” Thursday: “Rice, chicken, plantain, small chops, one drink — it’s almost Friday, I deserve it.” Friday: we do not talk about Friday. 🍗
4. The rider who knows everybody
Customer: “My landmark is the woman that sells roasted corn.” Rider: “Mama Ekaette?” Customer: “You know her?” Rider: “She has directed me to four houses this week. She deserves a delivery app of her own.” 🌽
5. The UNIUYO lecture sprint
Student orders lunch at 12:10. Lecture starts at 12:30. At 12:28 the rider arrives at the gate. Student runs out, collects the food, reads the OTP, says “God bless you,” and runs back to class with the pack under the desk. Somewhere, a lecturer smells jollof and pretends not to notice. 📚
6. The “I’m coming” Olympics
“I’m coming down” means three different things in Uyo. In a bungalow: 30 seconds. In a storey building: two minutes. In a compound with a gate, a dog, a key that “was here just now,” and a sister who must first find her slippers: please, rider, sit down. 🐕
7. The map supervisor
Some people do not track the rider. They manage the rider. “Why did he stop? Oh, traffic light. Okay. Go, my son, go.” By the time the parcel arrives, the customer has given the rider three promotions in their head.
8. Rain plan
The sky over Uyo turns grey. Customer texts: “Take your time o, safety first.” The rain starts. Customer texts again: “Safety first, but my soup is getting cold in your box.” Rider: “Your soup is warm. I am the one getting cold.” 🌧️
To the riders and the hungry ones
Behind every joke is a real rider moving through Uyo traffic and weather, and a real customer just trying to eat or receive something on time. Thank you for the landmarks, the patience, the “God bless you” and the laughs. You make the road friendlier.
And since it is almost Friday — when you are done laughing, open WhatsApp or the iDeliver app and order that lunch. Today’s pin, please. 😄
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