Monday has arrived in Uyo with its usual energy: the alarm rang, you negotiated, it rang again, you negotiated harder. 😴 Before the week fully takes over, take two minutes for some clean, warm delivery jokes — riders, customers, gates and all.
No one was harmed in the making of these jokes. A few alarms were snoozed.
The Monday morning department
- Alarm: rings at 6:00. You: “Five more minutes.” Alarm at 6:20: “We both know you lied.”
- Snooze button Olympics: you won gold, silver and bronze before breakfast.
- Monday breakfast plan: “I will cook something proper.” Monday breakfast reality: one sachet of water and determination.
- You asked the weekend to stay small. It said “I’m coming back on Saturday” and left without looking back.
Monday at the gate
- Rider: “I’m at your gate.” You: “On my way.” It is Monday. Your legs are still in Sunday.
- You said “two minutes.” The rider has started recognising the neighbours by name.
- You finally get to the gate in office shirt, wrapper and one bathroom slipper. The rider says nothing. Professionals.
- The gateman asks the rider, “Is it the same person from Friday?” The rider: “Same person. Same slippers.”
The office lunch group chat
- 11:00 — “Who is ordering lunch?” 11:01 — twelve people typing. 11:30 — nobody has decided.
- Colleague: “I’m not hungry, just order anything.” Food arrives. Colleague: “Where is mine?”
- Every office has one person who says “let me just taste it.” That person has never paid for chicken in their life.
- The person who ordered “just rice” is now looking at your chicken like it owes them money.
The parcel also has Monday feelings
- A parcel leaves the shop on Monday morning. It looks at the traffic and whispers, “Is it Friday yet?”
- Customer: “Has my parcel left?” Rider: “Yes.” Customer: “Has it arrived?” Rider: “It is Monday. Give it a moment to find itself.”
- The rider’s phone has three apps open, two calls waiting and one customer saying “I’m by the yellow building.” Every building on that street is yellow. 💛
Small Monday wisdom
Riders, thank you for carrying our lunches, parcels and moods through traffic every Monday. Customers, a clear pin and a landmark is the kindest Monday gift you can give. And to everyone at the gate: the OTP is not a quiz. Just read it out. 😂
When you’re done laughing
When the laughing is done and the 1pm hunger starts, order your Monday lunch on iDeliver — WhatsApp or app — and let the rider come to you. 🍲
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