It’s Saturday! ☀️ The one day everybody in Uyo promises to rest — and the one day nobody actually rests. Here are today’s clean, warm delivery jokes for the family WhatsApp group, the hostel and the owambe queue.
The Saturday “rest” plan
1. Friday night: “Tomorrow I’m sleeping till noon.” Saturday 7 a.m.: my mum, standing at the door with a broom and a plan.
2. My Saturday has three parts: wake up, find out I have two weddings, and pretend I knew.
3. Even our dog has a better weekend than me. He’s been on the couch since morning and nobody has asked him to “quickly run to the market.” 🐶
4. Laundry day in my house is not a chore. It’s a full-day event with sponsors.
Owambe season
5. Aso-ebi tailor: “It will be ready by Friday.” It is Saturday morning. The tailor is not picking up. The wedding is at 11.
6. I went to a wedding for the jollof and stayed for the small chops. I don’t even know the couple. I wish them well. 😂
7. My aunty can recognise whether a party will serve food just from the font on the invitation card.
Rider at the gate, weekend edition
8. Rider: “I’m at the yellow gate.” Me: “Which yellow gate?” Him: “The one next to the other yellow gate.” Uyo estates, we see you.
9. On Saturdays I give landmarks like a tour guide: “Pass the church, pass the man selling corn, if you see children playing football, you have gone too far.”
10. I read my OTP to the rider so slowly and clearly, you’d think I was announcing results at a school prize-giving.
The market vs. the app
11. I went to the market to buy “just tomatoes.” I came back with tomatoes, pepper, crayfish, a new bucket and an opinion about onion prices.
12. My mum says groceries from the app “can’t pick tomatoes like her.” Then she checks the bag and says, “Hmm. This one is fine sha.”
13. My roommate at UNIUYO says he “only cooks on Saturdays.” Saturday comes. He opens WhatsApp and types “hello.”
Saturday finale
14. Weekend math: one football match = two hours of game, forty minutes of argument and one emergency suya order at half-time.
15. Nothing unites a family faster than “food has arrived.” Suddenly the people who said “I’m not hungry” are holding plates. 🛵
When you’ve stopped laughing, order your Saturday lunch on WhatsApp or the iDeliver app — a rider will bring it to your door in Uyo. 💛
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